Second installment of "My Life: Simon Elf's Autobiography"

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My Life: Simon Elf's Autobiography

Part II

On Christmas Eve, Santa announced who would be going with him. The reindeer were luckily better by now. I sat there feeling bad for myself and almost didn't here him call my name. I first thought it was a joke. After all the things that I had done, he still picks me? He had to be kidding. But then, I realized it wasn't a joke. Santa knew that I tried so hard to be picked and he probably felt bad for me. He was a great guy!

I expected it to be a relaxing night, but it wasn't at all what I expected. We got in his sleigh, he called out the reindeer's names. All normal. We took off and waved good-bye to everyone, all the other elves cheered. It was all what I had expected, for a take off.

We landed on the first house in sight. Santa gave me a list and told me to mark off all the house, streets, neighborhoods, cities, states, and countries we had been to. I told him I didn't know how to read, I thought he would be mad at me. But he wasn't. He told me that next year, I would learn to how to read. He marked the list. He got out of his sleigh with his sack and disappeared down the chimney.

I wanted to see if I could remember all the reindeer's names. I pretended that I was Santa and I called out their names just like Santa did.

Then they took off! They flew off of the roof of the house and started to fly away! I didn't know what to do! I screamed Santa's name, but he was still inside the house. I didn't know how to make them turn around or make them stop. I screamed for Santa again. This time he heard. He was done delivering presents and came out just in time to hear me scream.

He did some weird thing that made them come back. On the way back to Santa, I hid. He was going to kill me! Never again would he pick me to be his little helper. But Santa was nice. he told me that this had happened before. I promised I would never do that again, and just to be safe, I would come inside of the house with him.

Santa told me that he often gets stuck in the chimney of this house. Sure enough, he got stuck! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then, I had an idea. I brought Rudolph and the others over to the chimney. I got on Rudolph's back and jumped from his back right onto Santa. We tumbled down the chimney. We landed with a thud. I was on top of Santa though. Then Santa jumped up and sent me flying back up the chimney and on the snow covered roof. I started to slip. My arms thrashed wildly. I tried to grab a reindeer but I didn't in time. They just looked at me. They were probably laughing at me.

I slid off of the roof and landed awkwardly on my thumb. Pain shot through my body. I jumped up to examine my thumb and I heard something. A growl. I looked around. My eyes met another pair of eyes. It growled again. I realized it was a dog. A watch dog probably.

I've never run so fast in my life. But no matter how fast I ran, that dog was always close. Then, I didn't see the rock on the ground. I stubbed my toe so hard! I've never hopped so fast in my life. Then, the dog stopped chasing me. I turned around to see that it was on a chain. I rolled my eyes and sighed in relief. The pain came back in my thumb and in my toe. I had a headache from running and hopping.

Why had Santa jumped up like that so fast?

I found the front door, which was unlocked. These people were either living in a very safe neighborhood or they were plain stupid. I walked in to find Santa jumping around. I noticed his beard was on fire. That was why he had jumped like that. The people had left there fire going! I decided that the family was plain stupid. Santa motioned for me to come and help. I came over to try to stop the fire, but I didn't do much good with a hurt thumb. The next thing I knew, my hand was on fire! I ditched Santa and went flying out the door. Once I was out, I dove into the snow. Then I knew what to do. I took as much snow as I could carry and went back inside the house. Santa was still jumping around. I threw the snow and it hit him right where the flame was. It worked! The fire was out!

Santa's beard went from white to black.

We needed to hurry. We had spent a lot of time on this house. Santa had me do the stockings. So I took the candy and toys and started to stuff the stockings, but I didn't get far, because one whiff of that sock was enough to kill you. Luckily Santa had a handy Lysol can with him.

Once I was done with the stockings, I helped him unload the rest of the toys for this family. I grabbed a train set with the hand with the bad thumb. The pain came back and I dropped the train set on my bad toe. Then it fell to the ground with a loud bang. I jumped up and down holding my thumb and holding my toe and I lost my balance and fell on the table with the cookies and milk. The plate of cookies when flying across the room and almost took Santa's head off. The plate went crashing into the wall and shattered. Cookies flew everywhere. The glass of milk hit me in the head and the milk poured all down my clothing and onto the carpet. The glass shattered.

This time, I knew, Santa would be mad. But he did something I never would have expected, he laughed. He burst out laughing. And he was loud! I then joined in. We laughed for a long time and then we started to clean up. I examined the train, which was now broken. I searched for every cookie. Santa picked up each and every little piece of broken plate and glass.

Then, if anything else bad could happen, it did. We froze and listened. Footsteps were coming down the stairs. I gave Santa a, what now? look.

Then, I could no longer see the presents. I could no longer see Santa or myself. He must have made us invisible. Then, a little boy peeked out behind a sofa. He looked around, and then seeing nothing, he went back upstairs.

Once again I could see everything. We were finally done with this house. We quietly crept back to the roof. I was so exhausted from just that house that I fell asleep. I stayed asleep until we were back home. It had been quite an eventful night. It turns out I broke my thumb.

Well, now, I don't go with Santa on Christmas Eve unless he is desperate, because I do different things. I'm in charge of the Micro Machines and HotWheels and Power Wheels and so on. I train little elves or starter elves how to pack up the toys in catagories. I make sure that the naughty and nice lists are correct and sometimes I get to go to the other towns and watch the little children to make sure they are being good. I help Mrs. Clause bake cookies, only chocolate chip though. I would never help with sugar cookies.

From the stories you just heard, you probably think that all I do is produce trouble. I can also do good. I saved the reindeer from slipping off the roof one time. I saved the cookies from getting burnt. I stopped a Christmas tree from falling on top of a girl, and I've saved Santa from being stuck in the chimney many times. I make sure all the starter elves are doing a good job and are doing the job correctly. I have even turned bad little boys and girls into good little boys and girls.

There are some things that I cannot tell you about in this autobiography, like, how we get all the toys in the world to fit in just one bag. How we get around the world in one night. How old Santa is. How the reindeer fly. How Santa really goes up the chimney. How many elves Santa has all together. And more.

In conclusion, I would like to make a request, as I said, I'm allergic to sugar cookies. Santa isn't, and they happen to be his favorite. So please when you set out cookies, have a variety of cookies. And I really would prefer chocolate milk if you would. And Rudolph doesn't like carrots so if you are going to set anything out for him, set a grape out. I always end up eating the carrot. Remember, turn your fire off before you go to bed and always hang up clean stockings. And always, always, keep your dog on a chain.

THE END