Discourses on Google and snobs. No—really.

This morning I told myself that I wasn't even going to so much as glance at my laptop today. Not for any noble reasons—just because with all the time I spend with this thing I end up with monumental headaches and blurred vision at the end of the night, every night. And I've had it up to here. I blame our apartment's dismal lighting. You see, when they built this place, they allotted two lighting fixtures in the kitchen (which is large enough to hold one person at a time) and allotted no lighting fixtures in our living room. A true example of brilliancy.

But as evidenced by this here post—I did not succeed in my laptop fast. I'd hate to use the word addict. So I'll just go with I-have-a-great-love-for-dabbling-around-on-social-media-mediums. Also this week, I learned of something else I cannot go without. Google.

Was it down for anyone else earlier in the week? I nearly had a coronary—Tom would back me up on this. (Before this week, the only thing I knew I couldn't go without was Melaleuca chapstick, but now, dependencies just seem to be coming out of the woodwork...) It wasn't just Google—it was anything associated with Google—Gmail...Blogger...Youtube. Down. Nobody home. It was a global disaster, basically. I moaned that I couldn't do any work without access to these sites. Tom replied that I should just use Yahoo or Bing. To which I replied, "Yahoo has a search engine???" You see? That's how devoted I am to Google. Finally, in total frustration—I rampantly typed out my concerns on Twitter (naturally) and then marched off to bed for lack of anything else to do.

Turns out—I didn't even need to go to college. Nobody does. (shhh....it's a secret.) All you need to know is how to properly use Google and you're good to go. Of course, if it goes down on you then you might want to have a degree—just as a plan B. Anyway, I use Google for e-ver-y-thing, and I promise I'm not exaggerating. Here's a small glimpse of my Google-search inventory for the past week (to name a few, very few):
• Melaleuca (had to check the spelling, of course)
• Bumble Bee Tuna song
• 1930s music
• How to make sweet potato baby food
• 1930s hairstyles
• 1930s decorating
• Undulated
• Bonnie and Clyde
• Text on a path in photoshop
• Mimicking Birds Whom Who've Been
• 1930s fashion
• My Fair Lady
• Catalog Living
• Creepy carnival people
• Quotes about glitter

What? Doesn't everyone have a fettish with 1930s culture? Actually, it's because I happen to have a certain murder mystery game in my possession that happens to take place in the 1930s. And I think I've said too much.

It could be that I'm a Google snob because the thought of having to use Yahoo to satisfy my search engine needs made me turn up my nose. And Bing probably isn't so bad it's just that I'm an old, cranky lady and I'm set in my ways.

Segue >>> You see, I've been thinking about "snobs" lately. Weird? Maybe. But I'm a snob about a lot of things, so it's only natural for the subject to be on my mind. I feel like it's okay for me to admit this because I hold the theory that everyone is a snob about at least something. I'm a snob about page design and fonts and spelling and punctuation and grammar and music and books and movies. (Everyone says they're a movie snob but I REALLY mean it.) But there are a lot of things that I'm not a snob about. For instance. Some people are food snobs. But I can pull out a box of Western Family Macaroni and Cheese—and eat it—and still feel 100% mostly okay about myself. Some people are wrinkle snobs. I, on the other hand, like to try to stretch my ironing sessions as far apart from one another as possible. I usually unveil my iron annually, and I believe this is more than enough. Some people are frugal snobs and others are spendy snobs. Some people are bottled-water snobs. But for me as long as it's cold and it isn't going to kill me, I'm cool with it. Some people are germ snobs. Okay, I guess that one depends on the situation. Others are name-brand snobs. Hmmm, another situational—because once I bought a jar of Western Family pickles and it turned out to be one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. Some people are hair snobs. But since most of you have seen my hair as of late it goes without saying that I'm not one of those kinds of snobs. (And perhaps I should be.) Some people are gum-chewing snobs. But for me chewing gum helped me to not gag up my innards while I was pregnant, so I hold no qualms about others chewing gum. Unless they're chomping on it like it's cud. But then they probably just need a simple lesson in manners.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I don't think it's so bad to be a snob because it just means you're passionate about something. And well, if you're passionate about everything, well then...I'd say you're faking.

Oh, and Vlasic is the only way to go. I beg—trust me.




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For anyone hoping to get a Little Miss fix—I oblige: