Pearls

Boy do we have a treat for you today, ladies and gentlemen. We managed to get Clara to take a few minutes out of her busy schedule to talk to us—and give us some enlightenment on the world as she sees it. Which—this girl's just oozing with wisdom, as you'll come to find out. The only problem is that sometimes her thick baby accent makes it hard to understand her. That's where we, her parents, come in. We're happy to translate.

Enjoy!

The following interview is composed of a series of questions and answers.  The questions have not been released in video format at this time to protect the identity of the interrogator. We'll refer to him as "T" for now.

T: "Hello Clara. I'm glad you made the time to meet with us this morning."



Translation: "Hi." (that one was easy)

T: "What is your opinion on our country's immigration laws? And to follow up what is your solution?"



Translation: "Injuns do not exist! ...Bubble Juice?"

T: "Interesting. To be honest I don't think anyone's ever thought of that. Next question: If you had one hundred dollars right now, no questions asked, what would you do with it?"



Translation: "Thomas... I would'a built a drawbridge."

T: "You're a very giving individual Clara and I'm sure your country would have thanked you.  And please refrain from using my name.  I'm trying to keep a low profile here. Thanks. Next question: "Tell me about your parents... what do you think of your father pursuing a career in art?"



Translation: "Heeeaah, dumb art! That's the opera sense.  That pathetic jump rope."

T: "Well, now, there's no need to get critical. Let's just move on. Do you have any opinions on the economy and how the government is currently handling the situation?"



Translation: "Don't do it like this!! ...Do I gas?"

T: "Well, I wouldn't necessarily say you... wait, what's the question? ...It certainly wasn't me, if you're implying that... I don't think there is anyone present that has... 'gassed', as you say it."



Translation: "Thomas does! ...Thomas is that.  Domby dom barbit tops."

T: "...(long pause) ...um.  ...barbit tops? ...that's a little insulting? ...and I'm quite sure I asked you not to use my name. ...Let's just get through this, okay? Next question: You've been accused of being a very good sleeper. Is there a reason that you sleep so well?"



Translation: "I want the hours."

T: "Simply put. I like that. Last question... Clara, do you think there is one singular answer to the problems we face today?"



Translation: "Chipmunks... with active owl shed."

T: "Thank you for your time."